YouTube.
The gateway to all things video on the internet.
I have developed a love/hate relationship with this particular search engine.
Don´t get me wrong. I love being able to search for music videos, movie clips, and mini-series episodes in less then a few minutes.
Yet, somehow, I cannot make myself pleased at the idea that anyone, and I do mean ANYONE, can access videos that ANYONE can upload, and at ANY time.
I have found myself, unfortunately, the unlucky video participant on more than one occasion.
Perhaps this is causing my bitterness.
Ah. I don´t know. Perhaps I am angry because I´ve been watching YouTube videos all day long, one can never know.

I´m cross with the internet in general these days.
Every time I turn around, there is another mindless fact site, search engine, video search engine, or networking site that would like to recruit me in some way. Whether it be page views, memberships, or email subscription, every site on the internet seems to be vying for my interest.
Will it ever stop?
It seems as though with every page view, every website figures out a new way to contact me...filling my inbox, crowding my every day life.
I simply cannot imagine what the next ten years of technology will bring.
Look at the Apple iPhone, for instance.
God. If every cell phone could double as a fully-functional mac, I would cease to leave my house long enough to let the dog out, let alone living a fulfilled life.
Who needs to, with a computer that quite literally fits in to a pocket or purse?
Chew on it.

My cell phone.
Okay, I begged my mom for a BlackBerry for graduation.
I got the BlackBerry. (My folks have an incredibly hard time not giving me my way, for some reason. This has always been the case with them.)
Now, as some know, I've been a sidekick person for almost the entire past year. Before that, I was someone who desperately wanted a sidekick.
I've made a decision. I love my BlackBerry.
It looks, feels, and performs in a much more professional and mature fashion...if a phone can in fact, perform with maturity.
Is it possible that I've grown too old for the sidekick? Yes, I suppose so.

It is, if you'll take notice, designed for teenagers. Attractive, with flashy features such as the instant messaging feature and MySpace application, it was designed to appeal to young people, and damage the wallets of their parents.
Thankfully, I got a massive discount on my BlackBerry.
I will also admit that my BlackBerry is work every penny of the $149. my poor mother paid for it. And to think i had planned to get a new sidekick.
Silly girl. :)

What kind of human being am I...taking my poor parents for all they're worth.
Oh dear.

I find it most fascinating, that at the latest hours, my most intuitive ideas befall me.
I have spent the past fifteen hours enjoying a sort of vacation; a vacation from all familiarity, all every day purpose.
Though dear friends have been around the last few days, I still find myself feeling freed. Perhaps they were merely a different part of the peaceful equation; stead-fast in my life, yet detached in a blissful way.
I find myself miserably tired and without motivation these days...I find myself wishing only for sleep. Perhaps I am coming into my yearly depression. A sadness I fear does not let go of this unassuming heart, but molds it coldly for several weeks at a time.
I am no suicide risk, readers. Merely one soul needing the silence that seems such a hard find in this time we call youth.
I am a lonely soul, often enough. It is as though I prevent myself from partnership, prevent those around me from knowing how to reach me. I suppose every one has their safety net, and I am certainly no different, though I wish that some how, I could find myself in all of this. Some day, I will find a way to smile through the pain of youth and lonliness, but today is not that time.

How many times have you asked yourself questions such as this? How many times have you woken in the morning wondering if perhaps, life as you were raised to expect it, isn't as wonderful and full of hope as you were told. Maybe things aren't meant to be good for some people.
These questions are common, as unfortunate as this appears. I am a sufferer, though I choose to fight the silence.
Watch carefully; we are all at some level of risk.

In all fairness, I should probably consult my doctor before making this post. But as of an hour ago, I have my readers to think of, so I will take the risk.

Chances are, at some point in life, you have had at least one 'sleepless' night.
This is common. My condition, though, is as well.
Since I was fifteen, I have slept through the night less than one hundred times. If I get to sleep, I wake up at some unfortunate hour, usually between two and four in the morning.
But most of the time, I just cannot fall asleep in any fashion.

No wonder many high school students fall asleep in school. No wonder so many women in their early thirties find themselves tired during the day.
This affliction comes from many directions; poor diet, depression, pregnancy, illness and many other such issues.
Ask yourself these questions. What could you do differently in your daily life to reduce bad habits? In some cases, such as pregnancy, a doctor should be consulted. But in most cases, a simple lifestyle change can help!

Recently, my sleep schedule has been a complete disaster. Now, you ask why.
I do this to myself. Don't let me fool you; I love staying up all hours of the night. Daytime and I are not close companions, though I'm sure my roommates and family wish otherwise.

Evaluate your every day life.
See what you can do to change it. Perhaps a good nights sleep is in your future, after all.

Notice that this was posted at nearly two in the morning.
Forgive me; I am a terrible example.

:]

As some know, I recently spent a comfortable morning in the Waldo County Jail house in Belfast, Maine.
The reasons behind me landing there at nine o'clock on a sunny, spring morning are minimal, and do not require analysis.
My stay, however, might.
Several things are to be addressed right now.
I for one did not know that any medication an inmate "requires" would be provided for them. I also did not know that putting an illiterate person in charge of booking a incoming prisoner was wise.
Oddly, the state policeman that arrested me conversed with me as though we were having coffee, not taking a ride to jail.
The officer in charge of readying one female prisoner headed to court was terrible. Moments after he handcuffed her, I watched as she literally slid her hand out of each cuff.

Alright. I understand that it's a small, poorly-kept, local jail. But are these conditions really appropriate?
I was also mildly offended when a male prisoner commented on my appearance while being escorted to jail, and the officer booking me laughed at his comment.
A female prisoner in the cell I was detained in had food stashed under her pillow. Yes, folks. I AM serious about that. She was the same prisoner that also hid a blanket under that same pillow, for a prisoner headed to court. Why? Said prisoner was terrified that they would take her blanket away.
I am lead to question the safety of the cell I was in.
A toothbrush and toothpaste was provided to the female inmate heading for court. But the coat she was promised, (due to the fact hat she was wearing NO undergarments) was no where to be found, and the officer that had made said promise, was also M.I.A.
Am I not, as an American citizen, guaranteed safety while being detained on criminal charges?
What gives? Are they in the business of arresting and detaining criminals, or are they merely a joke in the eyes of law enforcement institutions nationwide?

I am strongly considering forwarding this article to the local newspaper.
Ah, what an investigative reporter I am.

Instant Messaging.
The bane of my existence for some ten odd years now.
In those years, I've used more than twenty user names, or 'screen names', as we've come to know them. Why? Because it's so very easy to display to the public your intellectual creativity.

This topic brings me back to my favorite; being the most original, and individualized person in the room. Alas, I have fallen victim to this time and again, and my choice in screen names falls under no different a heading.

I will admit that I do enjoy to positives to using various instant messenger services...having all of my friends available at the click of a mouse is indeed a bonus to communication. But I can't find it in my heart to appreciate the anonymity of instant messaging. In truth, unless you have access to video chatting software, you never really know who you're talking to.
Who really enjoys that aspect? Sure, when someone gives you the screen name they use, you can assume that you're going to be talking to them when you instant message the given screen name.
But is this always the case? Nope.
There are also the cases of "random IM's". I'm not a huge fan of receiving messages from people who think it's amusing to NOT TELL you who they are.
Love that.
Perhaps I'm being unfair. I suppose that in this situation, the pros outweigh the cons.
I find myself getting frustrated to no end with the Internet in general, and if you're going to read my posts, you're going to have to get used to my generalized hatred for the tool.

Haha, on to bigger and more interesting topics.

Life is an unnerving popularity contest, and I am, with pleasure, backing out gracefully.
I will admit to not always seeing the brutality that is a life in the limelight. I wasn't necessarily always so clear-sighted in this department, and I suffered for it. But with growing older, I have realized more and more just how dangerous being the coveted center of attention really is.
For instance, while living in Orlando, I was subjected to some of the most horrid forms of ridicule I have had to experience in my twenty years.
Why? Because others felt threatened by me. Now the big question arises:
WHY?!
I am one of the most friendly, helpful, and outgoing individuals I have ever met. Well, the answer is unfortunately, an easy one.
Throughout life, insecurity will come in and out, rearing its ugly head at the most inoppurtune times. Those around you may or may not have just cause to dislike you, but you will encounter many situations where that dislike is caused by the need to be the most well-liked; the most sought-after indivdual in the room. No other explanation can upset me more than this.
I have yet to figure out why those around me constantly feel the need to expose themselves to dramatic situations as often as possible.
Is it entertaining? Do they learn to love themselves because of it? I hardly imagine so. For what it's worth, this rant was one of many to come.
As Jim says it best; "Jesus, Jane. How does so much shit happen to you and yours?"

Well, love. The answer is simple. Being a unique person will always draw forth unique crowds.
I am so miserably blessed.

I suppose that it's time for me to get a long-suffering subject off my chest.
Marijuana.
Now, many of you reading this know that it's hard to find a college campus, work setting, or living situation in this day and age where Marijuana is not smoked or consumed in some fashion.
Especially in the region in which I happen to reside.
Alright, you've found me out.
I'm a fairly regular pot smoker.
But is this so bad? Upon spending time with a dear friend from Florida at length, I realized one very important thing: those who are avid users, tend to know a great deal more about the positive effects of said "drug" then those who staunchly oppose its use.
Law enforcement agencies will tell civilians every tale they can dig up relating to its "ill-effects", but for what purpose? Those who have actually experienced it in a rational setting will tell you that said "ill-effects" are rare; if ever to appear. I could sit here for days listing for you all the many positive uses...easing of pain for cancer patients, relaxation from common anxieties...I could undoubtedly go on for days.
But what good would this do? Do some research of your own. Yes, many that have tried the herb weren't so much 'impressed' with its effects; it's effects are different for all.
But look on the bright side; those of you who are happy users of said plant can now move forward with my written blessing on the subject.

-fin-

It's interesting to see what comes of receiving certification in any field of study.
Upon having a conversation with my twenty-seven year old high school Algebra teacher a few evenings past, I've decided that my decision to teach is one made in my best interest.

Now, I should explain a few minor details I tend to leave out in polite conversation amongst acquaintances. I did not graduate from high school in any sort of normal fashion.
I'm unethical to a painful fault, and those that know me, know that.
But, I have received a high school diploma, and at the endearing age of twenty, will be attending a state-sponsored university.
My views on said educational institutions could not be more skewed. I abhor the very idea of joining the masses in a university setting, yet I see no alternative way to complete of said education level.
With this road block before me, I will find myself confined to a classroom come fall; dreams of a salary in mind, and a student loan bill in hand.

What has driven the United States to push for such guidelines as we have now, when students are, by testing statistics, actually becoming more UNINTELLIGENT?
A student receiving a GED diploma is eligible for the same educational oppurtunities as a student who has actually spent four long years attending his or her local high school setting. And why? Because every portion of American existance is defined by 'equality', and to no apperant avail. Any American woman will tell you that the likelyhood of Hillary Clinton becoming president is slim. Any Black American will tell you that Obama will probably not end up in the White House. Something will prevent it.

Education brings us back to this. Integration, equal oppurtunity, and desegregation are all historical forerunners to my generation. Yet, for whatever reason, very little change has befallen us.
Alas, I fear I am not to see a great deal of change in the future, either.